hey. it is jun. it is not unusual for me to be inconsistent with my posting, but i know it has been a long time. i want to apologize for letting you down. it has been a difficult month(s).
if you have been following my descriptions, you know i have been dealing with sleep issues, anxiety, and depression. my mood has been fluctuating between high energy and wanting to isolate myself from everything. it has made it impossible to focus on work, side projects, or my college classes. i have realized i cannot keep up with the homework right now, so i am stepping away from school for a semester or two. life has just been taking a toll on me.
i have spent some time helping a friend open a cafe. i have been doing some free labor in exchange for coffee and matcha. it has been fun and i have learned a lot. part of me wants to open a place of my own one day, but mostly i have just been busy and burnt out.
eventually that burnout seeped into my audio work. every night when i tried to write and record, i would just blank out. it made me irrationally angry. i would scream into my pillow or record for hours at 2am only to delete everything because i hated the delivery. i started to despise opening my recording software. just looking at my setup made me grit my teeth because i felt like nothing would be good enough.
on a serious note, i have been also focused on reflection. as some of you know, i am filipino and i have family in hawaii. the recent floods were devastating and wiped out so many homes. my family was fortunate to be outside the flooding zones, but that is still my community. it is heartbreaking.
this reflection spiraled into a sense of helplessness regarding the world in general. i have been vocal about my politics before, but never in much detail. what is happening in the middle east is horrifying. i've known good people who's families are getting hurt. these people, these children can't even wake up without being the fear of being k*lled. children cant attend schools because they've been leveled. they cant even tend to their wounded because theres no hospitals to bring them to. i am both saddened and furious at whats fucking happening. i can't ignore it.
i am sorry again for the lack of updates, but i felt i owed you all an explanation. you likely won't hear more personal updates for a while. though, i will be attempting to release more audios as much as i can.
i want to dedicate my time to helping my community and educating others on the injustices happening there and elsewhere. a few of you have seen my irl social medias on what i've been trying to do to educate. if you find me, please keep it between us. thank you to all those who have been vocal in any way. and to those fans effected i am so sorry and i hope you are staying safe.
thank you.
